Have you ever driven somewhere, only to arrive at your destination and have almost no memory of how you got there, because you were so caught up in thought about something else? Or how about trying to focus on a book, but all you can think about is something upsetting that happened earlier in the day, and you have to re-read what you just read?

Often times we get so lost in thought about something hurtful from the past, or worries about the future, that we are not even aware of what is happening in the present moment. Continuing to get too lost in thought can be detrimental to our mental health and well-being.

It can be hard to stay present. So often in life, when different challenges or hardships arise, our mind tends to wander either to the past - reliving the gory details of painful experiences, or the future - over-analyzing and creating scenarios in our mind of how things will go (usually with a worst-care scenario, or anxiety-producing outcome). 

Getting lost in the past

It can feel so hard to let go of past painful experiences. Whether you’re endured a trauma, difficult break-up, or even an embarrassing social blunder, our minds often wander back to those events, ruminating and reliving those experiences with painfully detailed memories. We can get so lost in these thoughts and experiences, that it even changes how we feel in the present moment. When we allow ourselves to be consumed by these thoughts, we often experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. For example, recalling a social blunder and thinking “I’m such an idiot! How could I have done that!?” will inevitably lead to feelings of shame, low self-worth, guilt, and depression. Allowing our mind to continuously ruminate in these past painful experiences without awareness or processing of our feelings can lead to depressive symptoms. 

Getting lost in the future

Just as it can be difficult to let go of the past, we just as easily get lost in the future “what ifs” and worst case scenarios. These thoughts often plague us at night, when the mind is quiet just before trying to go to sleep. We will lose sleep, creating elaborate scenarios (often worst-case) of how an event the next day will unfold. And it usually never turns out the way we imagine! Getting lost in “what ifs” and negative outcomes can impact our mental health in the moment by creating worry, anxiety, tension, low self-esteem, and even sleep difficulties. 

So how do we break the cycle of getting lost in thoughts of the past and future that bring us down in the present moment? One way is through the practice of mindfulness. 

Mindfulness is short for mindfulness meditation, and it is a form of self-awareness that originated in Buddhist mindfulness meditation. You may have heard of mindfulness meditation as the act of “clearing your head” or “going blank,” but this is a common misconception. In fact, as Jon Kabat-Zinn states, mindfulness is actually about “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” It is about recognizing your thoughts as they occur, and taking an empathic, non-judgmental stance towards those thoughts, and yourself. 

So how does that work and what does that actually look like? 

The best way to start is to take a few minutes out of your day to just simply focus on your breathing. And as thoughts pop into your mind, simply notice them, without judgment. It may be helpful to imagine your thoughts as leaves on a stream, just passing by, coming and going, without judgment. And if this process feels difficult, that’s okay, just notice the difficulty without judging yourself for it. 

We can all pay attention to our thoughts in the present moment for a short amount of time. But the practice of doing so can be difficult to maintain, especially once the mind is already in it’s downward spiral. That’s why it’s important to practice mindfulness for a few minutes every day, if possible. That way, once you encounter something particularly challenging, and you notice your mind starting to ruminate, you’ll be ready to take a step back and say to yourself “wait a minute, I am getting lost in these painful thoughts again, and I am starting to feel badly. Let me see if I can let that thought go, connect with my breathing, and focus on what I’m doing right here, right now. In this moment, I am okay.” 

Practicing mindfulness can teach us to accept more of our experience without judging ourselves, which can lead you to experience more happiness and self-acceptance, and less anxiety and depression.

If you experience feelings of anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, remorse, low self-esteem, or have difficulty staying in the present moment, please contact me for counseling. I’m a psychologist that provides mental health therapy to adults and late adolescents in the St. Petersburg, Clearwater, and Tampa bay communities and I would love to work with you to help you live a more fulfilling life.